When You Stop Being RAW

July 1, 2017Leave a comment

Be Daring, Be Different,
Be Impractical, Be
Anything That Will
Assert Integrity Of
Purpose And Imaginative
Vision Against The
Play-It-Safers, The
Creatures Of The
Commonplace, The
Slaves Of The Ordinary.

Cecil Beaton

I’ve always believed that you should live your life being the best you that you can be. Be strong and powerful. Create your own beautiful life. Rebel a little. Remember it’s okay not to conform, and different is good.

Then the last year happened.

It was unbelievably stressful for me. While there were moments of amazing, like my book being published and Alex Anderson at my School House (I almost died! I forgot what I wanted to say…it was all fabulous in my head until I saw her in the front row…then I choked a little bit), I always had the weight of some things going on in my life weighing heavily on my mind. December through May had me in knots, I was RAW, but since school ended I’ve been able to start getting my mojo back. Or as a friend of mine calls it, my sewjo. (Best phrase EVER!)

I spent a lot of the last six months WANTING to be productive and creative, knowing it would be a healthy outlet, but I didn’t have it in me. My inspiration was crushed. I worked on a few things, but not at my normal speed. Quilt making was slow and almost painful, in a way. While I’ve always had ideas circling in my head, the inspiration for new quilts wasn’t there. I didn’t have a list of twenty new quilt ideas – I could barely come up with one. When I did have a spark of inspiration I had a tough time getting concepts to come to life, and if I got stuck, I’d quit. When I’d go back to the quilt or whatever project, it always seemed to take longer to make anything happen, and I didn’t always like what I was making. Blogging from the heart was impossible because when I sat down to write the words were toxic, and that’s not me. I’m not perfect, but I’m not (usually) toxic. I’d become a shell of someone I didn’t recognize and kinda didn’t like her.

Try as I might, I could not get out of the fog in my head, going over things again and again. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to do that, but I was so angry – so RAW – at some of the events that transpired AND at myself for getting so caught up in my head – the one thing I NEED to get my ideas transformed from cloth. I knew that space and time would help, and they have, but waiting for those two things to happen caused me much heartache.

Finally, summer arrived. I spent some time getting my house organized. It started with one closet, and trickled to other rooms. Cleaning closets, purging drawers, reorganizing toys, crafts, and fabric. The things you always put off because they aren’t exactly fun but you are always SO glad when you finish.

But for me, I wasn’t just reclaiming my house, I was reclaiming my heart. I was reclaiming the space in my head, clearing out the clutter that I’d ignored for months because I couldn’t deal with it, and taking that space back, literally and metaphorically. Welcoming back my creativity. My happy. My peace. My me.

All of ^^^ that has been good for my mental health, not to mention my house, and I’m starting to feel like my old self again. The me that loves life, and the special people that share it with me and have my back.

I’ve regained the me that is unequivocally, somewhat unapologetically ME. I’ve returned to being who, in my heart, I know I am, and once again being true to that girl. A little sweet, a little snark, a lot of sarcasm, and a little rebellious. And I have needed it. A LOT. Turns out I missed her.

Turns out, that finding her again has sparked my creative spirit, too. I have the next twenty quilts in front of me, and projects, and it’s good. It’s really, really good.

17359458_10155937369352995_5006696626382673197_o While all this was going on, I felt the need to rebel a little bit, to prove that the mostly sweet, creative soul with a splash of bada–was still somewhere in there. I’m not gonna lie, getting this tattoo felt good to honor the rebel in me. I’ve wanted one for 25 years. A needle and thread, and the word fly….it’s a nod to my book club and nod to myself to remember that I conquer anything; I can put on my big girl panties and rise to the occasion to overcome, and when I need to, I can spread my wings and fly.

Mason Jars For Everything

August 6, 2016Leave a comment

The little one keeps his art supplies in our large laundry room – it’s one of the great features of our 80’s contemporary – right off the kitchen. We can store stuff for projects there and easily move between the kitchen island to work and the laundry room to store, and it keeps the mess of out of sight when not in use. He also continues to think my art supplies are his art supplies. Q man is a creative being and loves to color, paint, draw, create and I never want to squash that spirit! But the mess he creates can sometimes send me over the edge.
Most recently I was having a moment of complete OCD when the year old was digging through a bin we have for his art supplies. It’s deep and messy and crayons were flying everywhere! That’s when I had an epiphany! Mason jar storage. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. And it means I can watch him mess up, I mean use, my art supplies and I’ll know when to get more.

Several years ago I purchased more than a lifetime supply of mason jars to use as props for a pre-school function. I’ve managed to give away quite a few but have one or two cases left. I use them for everything! I mean, I did grow up in the South and all…Seriously, though, I use them as decoration and storage.
The caddy was on sale at Michael’s and I snagged it for about 6 bucks. Had the mason jars. Happy with my quick fix, just hoping it stays that way!

Cairns

August 19, 2015August 19, 2015Leave a comment

We took our boys for a hike at the Roswell Mill on the Chattahoochee River over the weekend. We live close, it’s free and in addition to wearing them out, the dog loves it. The weather was beautiful on Saturday and the water was cool. We saw a few people on our adventure but mostly we could enjoy each other and nature, including a water moccasin. gah!

We came across this cairn before finding the perfect watering hole to wade in for a bit. It was a great surprise. I love that someone took time to build this and I had to capture the sculpture in case it isn’t there the next time we return.

A little piece of zen in the city.

Hondo

July 11, 2015July 12, 2015Leave a comment

Perhaps the quiet in the house while the boys were at camp this summer was too much for me. Perhaps there was a dull ache in my heart because I’d had a fur baby at my side for 12 years and no longer had one. Lady was my companion. Yes, she shed like a banshee and her breath could kill you, but I loved my sweet girl, nonetheless.

Husband and I have always felt strongly about adopting rescue dogs (not that there is anything wrong with getting a pet another way – this is just our preferred method). We found Lady at the Atlanta Humane Society. She was one of a litter of 8 or so and, when her sisters and brothers ran up to us for attention, she sat quietly in the corner. She was the one. That was our dog. Over the years she had nicknames: Danger Dog, Crazy Running Puppy, Ladybug. All names from love. She kept us safe, she kept us company, she loved us, and we loved her.

Maybe it was the realization that my littlest would be in Kindergarten this year. The absence of my dog wasn’t as noticeable between the pre-school hours, shuttling kids to and fro, running errands and trying to squeeze it all in. So as the reality crept in that August would bring a quiet house for the majority of the day, I decided that I needed another fur baby. In fact, my heart demanded it.

A friend of mine volunteers a lot of her time with Atlanta Boxer Rescue and I decided that the organization was one I wanted to support. While we’ve never had a boxer, we spent a lot of time with them when we lived in town. Lady’s best dog buddies, Gus, Buster and Brutus, were boxers and we loved them dearly. They were big, sweet, lovable dogs with the perfect temperament to be part of a family with kids. I filled out the paperwork and was happy when we were approved to pick a dog. Our dog.

Much like Lady, I think Hondo* sat in a corner. He’s not your typical boxer. For one thing, he’s white with some brown spots. He’s a big dog, and looks serious and, all things considered, he’s very mellow. Being used to an old dog, mellow works for us. We had a date with him on Wednesday, slept on the decision (hey, no one wants to bring a dog home and realize they don’t have the right one) and he came home tonight.

It’s so nice to hear doggie footsteps behind me, or turn around and have a dog in the way. The wagging tail and the desire to have you scratch him in just the right spot by his ear. My heart has been singing! And not just for myself but for my boys. To see the pure joy on their faces as they pet their new dog and give him treats is priceless.

We still have some work to do. Hondo had heartworms. He’s had the full round of meds (thank you very much, ABR) and has been cleared, but we follow up in three months. We also have to put a few more pounds on him. He was about 20 pounds underweight when he came to ABR and we have 5 or 8 more to go but I’m confident we’ll get there.

And, of course, Hondo wound’t be here without the selfless work from the Atlanta Boxer Rescue. The volunteers that rescue dogs and shuttle them to the vet and keep them safe in their homes. Fosters that love an animal unconditionally even though they know that the fur baby they nurse back to health will leave with another family one day. I saw that love tonight as Hondo’s foster dad said goodbye to him. He held back the tears but they were there. My eyes welled up, too. From knowing his pain, from knowing my joy, and from knowing that this dog, a dog that had been sad and sick, was happy and healthy and finally coming home.

*His foster dad is a HUGE John Wayne fan and named him after the movie, Hondo.

Good night, sweet girl

March 10, 2015April 1, 20151 Comment

May 2002 – March 2015

Something Old

February 27, 2014Leave a comment

My sister-in-law is getting married in July. The last time K was home, she dug through her Mom’s closet and came across her Mom’s wedding dress.

Vintage is beautiful, and incorporating vintage into your wedding is super cool. I can’t say what I’m doing, exactly (check back in late July/early August) and I can’t show you. I can give you a sneak peak, though, and tell you it’s her something old, and will be WAY cool!

Winter Break Comes to an End

February 20, 2014Leave a comment

Winter break this year was eight days instead of six, thank you very much winter storm Pax. We did some fun stuff, but by today the kids and I were pretty much over each other. We met some friends and headed over to the Chattahoochee Nature Center. I’m glad we did. The kids needed the sun, and fun!

We counted three turtles, and some ducks.

And found this awesome tree called the Pawpaw tree. I’m going to have to print a copy and send it to my Dad, who we call PaPa. I think it’ll make him laugh.

Patty Murphy {handmade}

designer. quilter. teacher. author

Category: family